I thought losing Solomon would protect me from other ills. I thought he was the 'loss leader' - that by losing him I would have no more sadness. Needless to say I'm wrong.
Without going into details I find myself faced with increasing sadness of an inevitability. And it angers me. And it scares me to be angry again. Anger is the hardest emotion for me to let go of. It is not appeased by food or drink or shopping or exercise. There is no antidote to anger the way crying is to sadness.
So now I face myself struggling to keep the lid on my anger when all I really want to do is scream.
"The birth of a child isn't always a nine-month process."
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About Me
- Amy
- My children are wonderful but who knew how challenging life would become. I am dumbfounded sometimes that they came from me. They have enriched my life exponentially to degrees of joy I never knew were possible.
1 comment:
I totally get it! I lost my little girl at 22 weeks. There are times that all I can manage is crying. I wish that it helped to make the pain better. I keep thinking that I'll find something to help with the unstoppable sadness. Like you, nothing has helped. I keep thinking that someday I'll feel better. So far, no luck...If it makes any difference at all, I'm so grateful to know I'm not the only one going through this. That I'm not crazy, this is real!
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