While Alison had her first day of Kindergarten two days ago, she goes a full day today. At about the four-hour mark, I started to miss her. We've never been apart this long on a typical day.
For her first day we made a Kindergarten Here I Come banner, that she displayed and was photographed with. I matched my excitement level to hers, not wanting mine to diminish hers. But today, it's another story.
I ate lunch with my son, I played with my son, I ran errands with my son. And while everyone who knows me knows how much Adam and I adore each other, I'm used to my little girl's presence. I've checked in her room twice, to make sure she's not taking a nap. I've stood at my door, looking out for the bus...the bus that is scheduled to come in over an hour.
The first two days of school, the half days, pshaw, they were nothing. She arrived home in time for lunch and that was that. Were they to ease Alison into a school routine, or were they to wean me and the other mothers from the daily presence of our children?
Today, the whole day, the day that begins all the other seven-hour days for the next thirteen years. I emailed my husband at work how sad I am, how unexpectedly sad I feel. I didn't "lose" Alison, the way I lost Solomon. I know right where she is. And it is not with me.
I wonder how I would have felt if this were Solomon going to school. Would I have had a closeness with him the way I do with Alison and Adam? It will remain a silent wonder.