Friday, October 12, 2007

October 10 Reunion Group

I attended a Reunion Group this week and saw Patty, Janine T, Bill and Diana and Rosemary and her husband. We were the reunion-ers. In the loss group were several couples, one couple in particular who were there for a repeat. Their second pregnancy ended in loss recently. I remmebered them immediately from the first time I spoke at their group. Talk about UNFAIRNESS.

I sat and listened to the loss group members relay their experiences, and went through my part with my usual shaking and nerous voice. It is still painful to talk about, even at 7+ years. I wonder what the next 7 will be like.

The Walk to Remember

October 6th was The Walk to Remember. As strange as this may sound, it was truly wonderful to be there and not be a speaker. It's not that I don't want to talk, anyone who knows me knows I have a hard time shutting up. It was more of a relief to have the role of just a mourner among all the others. And there were may newbies. That's what incites my anger now, that more and more women and men and families are experience pregnancy loss.

I was angry with myself for such a long time for taking Solomon from me and did let go of the anger eventually. It took years but I eventually forgave myself too. But the naive part of me still wants no more pregnancies to have unhappy outcomes. I know my thoughts are unreasonable, I just can't help them.