On Thursday February 12, 2015, Grey's Anatomy aired "All I Could Do Was Cry." The story revolved around two lead characters and the prospect of losing their baby mid-pregnancy. I wish there would have been one of those scrolling red bars at the bottom of my TV screen, you know the ones, they run most of the time during the winter months to warn of hazardous weather.
Anyway, I watched the episode because I love this show and happen to find myself home, without any kid-transporting or errand-running. To say the show covered a lifetime of emotions is an understatement.
I was first moved when April became aware there was nothing she could do for her son in utero, that he was in pain. This was the deciding factor for her to move forward to end her pregnancy. I know that moment, as does anyone who is probably reading this blog.
Another poignant moment was when April's mother-in-law spoke to her about releasing her baby. The MIL gave April the strength she needed. I was blessed to have someone do this for me and it came in the form of my best friend's aunt. She told me she would pray for me and while I cried to her on the telephone, she told me she would be my vitamin, she would be my strength. I hear her words whenever I have the opportunity to see her.
And while April still is holding out for a miracle, knowing they occur, I remember I wanted one too. Who wouldn't? I wanted to be the medical mystery, I wanted my miracle. But in my immediate situation I would not have it. My induction proceeded and I thought my physician was crazy. But on TV, April and Jackson (her husband) were able to hold their baby for the few seconds that he lived. Maybe that was their miracle.